Merry Christmas

Oh my, what a day. Am actually really glad to be at work tonight even if it is Christmas Eve. My last minute shopping turned into a near disaster today but somehow I managed to survive! Jim had to go to work this morning to make sure that the drive and sidewalks of the apartment building were all clear but he promised that he would be back in town by twelve - and he was. My pay cheque was not going to be ready until 1pm which meant that I had to do my banking and any last minute shopping in under four hours. Originally my girlfriend and I had planned on going out to the mall this afternoon together to grab the last little bit of "supplies". Suddenly though Jim was going to go with us because he still needed to buy a bottle of rye for his father and a bottle of Baileys for his mother. OK fine I thought, the liquor stores are usually jammed so I figured that he would be occupied there in line for most of the afternoon so no big deal.

My daughter called last night to say that she never got to go out to do her last minute shopping. For some reason her Dad would not take her to the mall so she wanted to go with me. OK fine, can't say no to my daughter. Went to get my cheque right at 1pm. Surprisingly there were next to no lines in the bank and I was in and out within 10 minutes. My girlfriend lives near my work and bank so we figured that we would collect her first and then grab Sara. When we got to Tracey's she wasn't close to being ready plus she had some company plus her and her boyfriend were kind of scrapping. Great. I sent Jim off to get Sara because her father lives about a half an hour drive away from Tracey's and completely the opposite direction from the mall that we were going to.

Jim actually made the round trip in about 45 minutes which was pretty good considering the day and weather and all...and yet Tracey still was not ready. She had managed to get rid of her company but by this time her and Shay were really battling verbally. As soon as Jim got back I told him to take Sara and I to Fabricland as I wanted to grab some taffeta - I make my own gift bags for everyone - Serena Sacks!!! I told Tracey what I was doing and I said to be ready when Jim got back so that we could get out to the mall. Sara and I got the material but I had to listen to her grumble and mutter that there wasn't anything here for her to buy. Excuse me? I told her that this shopping expedition was not all about her, that in fact she had plenty of time and money to get hers done but I had had to wait for this pay to grab my last minute things. She kind of backed off a little after my outburst and actually did a good job in picking out some really nice fabrics. The $18-$22/m taffeta was on for less than $5/m which was literally a steal so I ended up getting about four times more than I had planned and only spending $10 more than I had budgeted.

We finally got to the mall but by now it was 4pm and the mall was closing in an hour. Tracey and I separated and I was hoping that Sara was going to go off on her own but no, she wanted to stay with me. At this point, well probably earlier, I wrote off getting any of my own shopping done. Bought Sara a new outfit for Christmas day - a black pair of cords and a red zip up sweatshirt for a total of $46. Managed to sneak away momentarily and I found some nice fishnet tights that she likes at a pretty good price so I bought her four pairs for her stocking. She has a mug and a nice Ralph Lauren shirt for her Dad but she thought that this wasn't enough so she bought him the "King Arthur" dvd also - well I guess I did because I actually paid for it.

She still had to go home to get the other presents for her father and the rest of her clothes because she had forgotten all these when she went originally. Jim stated that he was pretty much done driving for the night so I would have to take Sara back to her father's. Excuse me, did everyone forget that I was the one that had to actually work today? Thank goodness Tracey said that she would drop me off to work, run Sara home and then keep the truck for me until I was finished work at 2am. I just found out now though that I can go home at 10pm if I like. I am thinking that I just might do that so on that note, I need to get my desk all organized because I am not in until next Tuesday!

Happy Holidays to all!!!

Stressed

Having a much better today than I did yesterday which had to be one of the most stressful days of recent memory. The weather was bad. It had just started snowing and pretty much didn 't let up until about an hour or so again. The roads have been just awful. A lot of cars in my apartment's parking lot were totally snowed in and couldn't get out unless they were shovelled out!

Yesterday I was to meet my mother at the grocery store at 12:30. At the last minute, Jim decided that he needed to go into work so he wanted me to drive him there before I met Mom. He thought that he would bring our laundry because he would have some time on our hands. Now from where Jim works to where I was to pick up my mother, the oneway drive is approx 45 mins on a good day. Yesterday was far from good. By the time he gets his proverbial s**t together, it is almost 11:30am so there would be no way that I could get him to work and then be on time for my mother. After some arguing with him, I finally got him to stay home with the laundry saying that I would be as fast as I could so that he would still have daylight left to finish the painting.

Had to pick up my daughter who was on an overnight at a friends. Grabbed her and got to the grocery store on time. Went back to my mother's who made us lunch and tea. My ex-husband had called that morning and asked me to bring my mother around with me when I dropped Sara off at his house. Now Sara's father and I have been divorced/separated almost 15 years and not once has he asked me to bring my Mom over so I figured that this was reasonably important. He sure remembered what she was like cause he said not to tell her til the last minute and kidnap her if I had to to get her there. Around the time that Sara and I were to leave, I dropped this on my Mom. She started freaking out saying that I should have told her hours ago that she could not possibly go now, blah, blah, blah. I said that Ted had never asked for a favour so could she just come with us. She kept saying no. I was pretty pissed at this so I kind of shot back that I would remember this the next time she asked me for a favour.

It eventually came out that she had committed to babysit my brother's three kids so his wife could go out on her own. My mother knows that this is a bit of a contentious issue with me because Drew has three kids under the age of six and Mom is just getting over pneumonia which had been pretty severe. Plus, they don't pick her up so she has to take two different buses to their house and then take a bus home in the dark. Problem is that the bus to her house stops running at around 6:30pm so the next closest bus to her house is about a half hour walk - in the dark no less. I guess that she was trying to avoid me finding out that this is what she was doing. Whatever. I said that I would drive her to their house if she would just come with me. Then she said that she would get there too early or something lame and the argument between my mother and I continued. I eventually got her to come with me and I know that she was glad that she did.

Ted had found an old picture of her taken in 1956 that he had framed for her. It was a lovely photo and it had been stuck between the pages of an old book for probably close to 20 years. Of course, she was still somewhat bitchy towards me. She took a shot about how lovely Ted's house was and why couldn't we get a place like this blah, blah, blah but as I said to her, if she ever bothered to come over to our place, maybe she wouldn't be so quick to take a shot. She has only been to our place twice in the fourteen months since we moved. Of course, she is at my brother's all the time. This came up because she was saying how Erica had done this and that and some more of this since they moved into the house back in September. I shot back that she sure is quick to run over to their house but never bothers to come to mine no matter how many invitations I extend. Christ, I even will go and pick her up. Whatever. Dropped her downtown after our visit so that she could go to babysit.

By the time I got home, the sun had pretty much set so Jim was in a bit of a mood but I did my best to ignore that then when I was running out the door to go to work, he decided that he needed some Diet Coke and wanted me to go grab it before I left. I did. When he was waiting for me he noticed that one of the headlights had burnt out so he was fiddling around with it trying to get it to work. The longer he messed around with it, the closer it got to my start time for work. We now have these access cards that we have to scan when we arrive and leave so the exact time we get there is recorded. No more pretending that we were here on time when we arrived five minutes late. Drat. Anyway, Jim had to drive because I was now too agitated and wouldn't have had time to park, etc and be to work on time.

On my dinner break I called Sara to see how things were going. She had been planning on doing her last minute shopping today but the $110 of babysitting money that she was to use towards presents had somehow vanished so she wanted me to drop some money off to her. I owed her $25 and I said that I would give her $50 for the cheque that her godmother had sent her for Christmas as it was dated for December 25th. I didn't have any money until Jim got his pay and I was unable to tell Sara exactly what time I could drop the money off to her. As it was, the weather was awful today so I don't know if I could have been able to get to her anyway. She got all upset with me which was pretty much the last thing that I needed at this point. I said to her that I would talk to her father and have him give her money from my next month's support and he could just deduct that amount come January 1st. Sara's selfish attitude last night pretty much sent me over the edge. I took a couple of verbal shots that I shouldn't have like she was expecting a lot considering she had spent all of her money when she was to save it for Christmas and that the presents that she got for her father and grandmother had been paid for by me so she wasn't even out of pocket for these. She then went on the "I am sorry that I am such a disappoint to you" rant that I just about jumped thru the phone at her. The conversation pretty much disintegrated from there. By the end of this call, I pretty much did not want to go back to work so I didn't. I have been fighting an awful sinus infection for near two weeks now anyway that I used this as my get out of jail card free. Called Jim and said for him to come and get me. Went home and watched a movie and then proceeded to spend today just chilling. To heck with last minute running around as that is what Christmas Eve is for anyway, right? Talked to Sara tonight and she apologized. As it was, none of her friends could even go shopping today so she didn't need the money. I am going to collect her tomorrow and she can come out shopping with me.

OK...wow...that was a lot of typing for me so I guess that I would have to say I am done for now.

Nicotine and Alcohol

OK, so my husband is in a right awful mood. We are out of smokes and he is having the nicotine fit of his life. He is being abrupt and mean to both Sara and I. I guess that this would not be the best time to tell him that the pot that I found in the couch was Sara's. She admitted it to me once we were home. I picked her up from her friend's house around 7:30pm - the friend that I am not too keen on. Oh well. I ended up giving it back to her because I didn't really know what else to do. When I first asked her about it, she asked me if I wanted to keep it and I said no, absolutely not. I don't smoke pot anyway. I gave it back but I said that she better not make me regret this decision.

Jim is still really mad at my friend that had borrowed our truck today. She didn't get it back until almost 4pm which meant that there was no point in going out to work today at all but that also meant that we have no money until tomorrow or later, who knows. If he had been able to go out today, he could have grabbed the money from our washing machines that we have at the apartment but now it is too late. And this has probably wrecked his chances of getting his pay cheque early this week also. Oh I don't know. I am thinking that I am going to go over to her house now so that I can get smokes from her because I don't feel like waiting until some time tomorrow either.

Sara and I watched Closer and Garden State tonight both of which are really great movies. Nathalie Portman is in both of them and she is wonderful. She is maturing into an amazing young lady. Very graceful. I watched Flight of the Phoenix with Dennis Quaid this afternoon and I have to admit that I quite enjoyed it. Was a little long but as I didn't expect an awful lot from it, I was quite pleasantly surprised by it.

Still feeling the pain...

Still not feeling 100%. I stayed up last night until about 6am and have been sleeping on and off since then but I have to pick up Sara shortly so I thought that I had better get up and start moving around. My sinuses have gotten t he better of me today so far - feels like they are on fire and there is an awful taste in my mouth that I can not get rid of no matter how many times I brush my teeth. Jim is kind of in a crap mood. A friend of ours borrowed our truck last night to help another friend do some moving and she was supposed to have the vehicle back by 10am so that he could go to work. Well, I am just walking in the door from dropping her off at her house! Only six hours late. Shouldn't make a fuss about something as insignificant as this. Whatever. So now Jim is essentially seven hours late for work and Tracey didn't even seem the least bit remorseful which has only made Jim angrier.

Still have to pick up my daughter from her friend's house before Jim goes to work also. This should be interesting. Jim found an empty pack of cigarettes in the front pocket of her knapsack and I found a small baggy with pot in it in the couch last night...I know the smokes were not ours as neither one of us has ever smoked the brand that she had. Now I know the pot is definitely not mine and I am fairly sure that it is not Jim's either so that doesn't really leave too many others. She had a friend over on Tuesday of last week that was sitting in the exact place that I found it so it is either hers or John's. Sara has been known to bend the truth a little bit in the past so it should be interesting to hear what I am sure will be a creative explanation

Ah my beautiful 14 going on 30 year old needs...

I am currently at work and it has been an extremely slow evening - I do tech support for an internet service provider. I have been surfing the net and actually just started this blog this evening as I have had very little else to do so...I just got interrupted from my near coma state by the "bat phone" ringing rather loudly. This is our after hours phone at work. My daughter was on the other line in a rather chipper mood. Before work I had dropped her at a friend's house for a sleepover - last day of school today until the new year as the Christmas break just kicked in. They had been undecided as to the evening's events as there were two good live shows at the two venues that her and her friends like to go to. Apparently they made their decision and are at the Embassy right now enjoying some loud, angry punk rock angst. Sara wanted to know if I would like to come and pick her and her friends up when I was all finished work - I am done at 2am. But of course I want to collect her because they are in the east end of town which is not the most savoury of locations but it definitely has the flavour. The last time she asked me to pick her up she had seven others with her but she promises me tonight that there are only two more. I didn't mind because they are all so young and our public transportation stops at midnight but legally I was stretching it by having eight of us in my truck - even if it is an extended cab!

Unfortunately one of the girls that she is with is one that I am not terribly fond of but I do my best not to make this too apparent to Sara as I feel that if she is aware of this that she will become even more friendly with her. I think that she is a bad influence and since Sara has started hanging out with her she has changed dramatically. They have been friends for seven years but they have just recently really renewed their friendship and while Sara is old enough and mature enough to make her own decisions, she is more of a follower than a leader and she has the capacity to be lead astray very easily so...Ok will have to conclude this entry later as I need to update a couple client files...

TO BE CONTINUED...STAY TUNED!

Hump Day

Made it to work again today stress free...hope that this is a new trend because this is definitely something that I could get used to! I had some errands to run after Jim got home from work so I ran out quickly to do them. When I got back, Sara was home from school already and she had a friend, John, with her. Jim seemed to be in a good mood also. John is very polite which Jim likes to find in teenagers and so many of Sara's friends rarely take the time to acknowledge us that John is a refreshing change. If they are unable to even say "hi" to us, Jim gets in a foul mood and makes their visit pretty unbearable. I don't blame him either. It doesn't take much effort to say hello.

Work has been speeding along nicely. I am only going to stay in the office until midnight tonight so that I can catch the last bus home. Usually I have the truck but a friend needed the truck to move some of his equipment from one garage to another and he is out of town. He won't get the vehicle back until 9am tomorrow so if I stay until 2am I will have to take a cab home and that costs about $18.00. Don't feel like paying that much to a cabbie so last bus it is. That means that Will is left alone in the office once I am gone but it is not normally too busy after midnight anyway. Last night I only took two calls from midnight until I left at 2am so I think that he should be fine without me. OK back to work for me...

Stressed Again

Just once, I would love to be able to walk out the door without feeling as if I am being pulled in forty different directions. Again, I am denied the luxury of simply kissing my daughter and husband good-bye, smiling and waving and walking happily out the door. I arrived at work for another evening somewhat flustered, as usual. The evening had been going fairly well all things considering. I came down with the flu over the weekend and today I was definitely feeling the worst for wear. My head feels all full of cotton wool, my throat is really scratchy and my nose is full of beautiful green stuff. Oh so nice...

I didn't really have much energy all day and was trying to conserve what little I did have for work this evening but I did need to grab a few things at the grocery store. Around five, I called to my daughter to come with me and we were pretty fast grabbing what we needed. I don't drink coffee but my husband does. I knew that he was out of instant coffee so I made sure that I didn't leave the store without it. When I got home, I asked Sara to put the groceries away and pack me a lunch while I grabbed some things that I needed for work. Of course, I got the wrong kind of coffee and my husband started lecturing me - so not in the mood for this right then - so I said that I would go and return it right now. I stomped off because this was not what I wanted to do as now I was going to be in a situation where I was dashing off to work with the remote chance that I would arrive late.

Went back to the store, returned the coffee and rushed back into the apartment. Sara had not even started my lunch so when I called her back into the kitchen to find out why she could not have made my lunch during the 20 minutes that I was gone, she kind of gave me a bit of attitude stating that she had been on the phone. Well, whatever. I don't know why she was incapable of explaining to her friend that she would have to call her back. Anyway, made my own lunch and gathered the rest of my stuff. Sara asked if she could go online on one of the computers in our bedroom and I said that she could as long as her chores and homework were all finished. I mentioned to my husband what I had just said Sara could do and all of a sudden he gets all short and snappy with me. I am like, duh??? So I asked him what he expected her to do and he goes on about her having to clean out under her bed and this and that to make room for the desktop computer we have for her. It is the fact that he has to be contrary no matter what. It wouldn't have mattered what I had given Sara permission to do while I was at work, he would have found something else that she should have been doing. This is what drives me absolutely mental. On one hand, he complains that I never keep him informed of what she is doing and yet when I do, he is never agreeable to them so I end up never "winning".

Now because he is loudly whining about what she should be doing, she is getting upset. Her first reaction is to ask me if she can go to Stephanie's which is where she always wants to go when things are not running smoothly at home. I said no and she puts a face on her which makes me even more upset and agitated and all this as I am walking out the door. I try to explain to her and ask why this always happens the moment I am about to leave. No one ever considers my state of mind or feelings. So again, I get down to my car in tears worrying about both of them. I feel bad because Sara is forced to spend the night in an uncomfortable situation and guilty that I have put her in this place. I am really mad at my husband because I feel that he is being unduly harsh on her and unreasonable at the same time.

Right now I would do anything to work any other shift than the one that I am currently working but due to the climate at work, I don't have too many options available to me. I could lose a shift a week but I don't know what this would solve anything either. I could go back to working weekends but there is so little flexibility here since all the layoffs. I don't know what to do...

CLOSER

I am currently watching the new movie "Closer" with Clive Owen and Julia Roberts and Jude Law and Nathalie Portman. Goodness gracious, Clive is quite the prickly bastard and I am not too fond of what Julia has been doing to him either. Jude is an absolute wanker and Nathalie is probably the most realistic of the group but a right bitch at the same time...The film is very character driven with little action. It is nice to see a film that relies on the characters to drive the story as opposed to the action of car chases or shoot em ups or whatever else qualifies as entertainment these days..Anyway must get back to the film. Need to pay attention to the dialog. P.S. Very disturbing film. Not a very pretty picture is painted of modern relationships that is for sure. Four very insecure, self-absorbed individuals that are unable to comprehend what goes on around them and are dumbfounded when their relationships falter and ultimately crash and burn. Very tragic.

Grrrr...

I am so mad I could spit. Both my husband and I have to work this evening which is pretty unusual. Normally he works the day and I work the night that way there is usually someone always around for our fourteen year old daughter. I work until 2am tonight and I am going to grab Jim once I am finished work so realistically, the earliest that we could get home is probably 3am. When this happens that we are both working thru the night, Sara usually has a friend sleep over to keep her company or she goes to spend the night at a friend's house. One of her friends has had Sara stay with her when her mother is going to be late or sometimes Heather would come to us. Jim having to work was very last minute so when Sara got home I asked her to get in touch with Heather so that I could make arrangements with her mother concerning tonight. For some reason, Lori had decided that tonight was going to be a mother/daughter night and that that was that - not open for discussion I believe were her words. I mean, really. This is the first time that Lori has been so inflexible. I guess that she is back dating Gavin again and each and every time that they reconcile, she starts really acting out of character. Doesn't help that Heather does not like Gavin at all either. Heather is not too pleased with her mother right now and I have to admit that neither am I. Sara has since gone over to her friend Stephanie's but after the weekend, this pretty much was the last person that I wanted Sara to spend time with.

Oops work did it again...

So now on the heels of the contest that management is holding, we have just found out that we have lost one of our biggest contracts because of some legal problems that they are having with Sprint. See truckstop.net. Today 24 people got laid off from that project today until further notice. I think that there are only four left in that department now. So far my position has not been affected by everything that is going on at work. My boss said that my hours were guaranteed and not to worry about anything. To be honest I wasn't really worried about my job security but I am pretty upset about the ones that got laid off. Morale is now pretty low at work which is to be expected. A lot of those that got laid off were students working part time to supplement their income. And it is barely a month before Christmas too. Who cares about the prize money right now?

Another crap afternoon...

I am just about to get ready for work. I am in the middle of colouring my hair and am waiting for the dye to set before I can jump into the shower. I don't have to be to work for another two hours but am stopping at my girlfriend's place first as she wants to borrow my truck while I am at work. She said that she had some errands to finish up and I don't mind when she uses it as she usually puts gas in it and there is always some left when she returns it. I am feeling kind of depressed right now. My daughter and husband are kind of at each other's throats and I am so sick of their bickering with each other. It is getting old really, really fast. The moment she gets in the door from school, the attitude from both of them begins. Neither one is going to win this battle either and the only one that ends up suffering big is me because they both expect me to be on the other's side. As I find this fighting absolutely unneccesary and useless, I refuse to be drawn into it and that just seems to infuriate both of them even more. I'll write more about this later as I don't want either one of them to catch me on the computer whining about my present situation. On another note, I added some of my own graphics to this journal and am pretty happy with the way they turned out.

Watched a really good movie this afternoon called Layer Cake.

My Stupid, Stupid Work

You know, each and every time I go into the office, I am more and more amazed at management's absolute utter stupidity. One of the departments has been pretty slow lately so they have had to cut some hours of a lot of those within the department. A couple of the guys went to management and asked to by laid off so that they could at least qualify for full unemployment benefits rather than have reduced hours and then the risk that their position is made redundant and not be able to collect the maximum amount from unemployment. A lot of this department uses college and university students and pretty much all of them have had their hours cut by about a third. This alone pretty much sucks big but what does management decide to do? Well, definitely add insult to injury. They just sent an email to everyone that they were going to have an "incentive contest" that would last for two months. We are put into teams and the team with the "lowest" score divides a prize of $1200 and the individuals with the lowest score divides a prize of $800. Scores are based on our attendance - perfect attendance means a score of zero. Now this would be a wonderful incentive program had it say, not been announced two days after everyone had their hours cut. Talk about a slap in the face. So, if they have an extra $2000 kicking around why not apply that towards say, I don't know, paying the staff who have just had their hours cut...Duh is pretty much all that I can say at this point. Again, shaking my head in utter disbelief...

The Disappointments of our Youth

I don't know what is wrong with me or why I let myself get into these situations with my daughter but I am right now having to justify my actions with regard to my daughter to my husband and once again I am left defending my 14 year old and feeling like a big chump. I feel so stupid for allowing myself to get into these situations and yet I seem to stumble from one to another with amazing frequency. First of all, Sara was going to a birthday party last night and had to meet a group of her friends downtown at the Galleria Food Court at 5pm. We were also going to pick up Stephanie on the way there, she knew we were coming to get her, but when we got to her house her mother had said that she had gone off with her sister. We continued on without her.

The birthday party was going to Call the Office last night to see a band and then the girls were going back to Sam's for a sleepover. They were all going to split on a cab to get home. Of course, Stephanie had to be the odd one out and go see a show at the Embassy. As I would normally work until 2am on a Friday, Sara volunteered me to pick Stephanie up after the show to run her over to the sleepover but I ended up getting the night off of work so I really wasn't going to be out and about at that time. Sara was having a hard time understanding that picking up Stephanie was not the most convenient thing to do either. I wouldn't have minded had it been anyone else but her as she has got to be one of the most ungrateful kids that Sara knows. Anyway, I said that I would do this as I was left with the impression that Stephanie would be by herself, etc. Now it turns out that Tracey was borrowing the truck for the night so she said that she would pick up Stephanie and then swing by to grab me prior to dropping Stephanie at the party. I called the Embassy to find out approx what time the show would be done and Tracey got there about 10 mins before the shows end. Stephanie called about ten after one and said could I come and pick her up now. I explained that my friend had the truck and that she would drive her here and then to the party. I even said that she was waiting outside right now and to go get in the truck. I don't think anything of it but a half an hour later Tracey calls to find out where Stephanie is. I was furious.

I called the bar and luckily Eadie answered the phone. I explained the situation and he managed to round up Stephanie and her sister who was apparently with her although she failed to mention this fact at any time. Why would she leave Tracey sitting out there for half an hour? How rude and inconsiderate is she actually. Long and short of it is that Stephanie said she felt sick and wanted to go home. Tracey dropped her off at her house and then came to get me so that I could drop in at the sleepover to see what was going on. Unfortunately Stephanie was to supply me with the address, etc and without her I had no idea where we were going so I had to call her. I gave her a few openings in the conversation to say thank you but not once did she offer her thanks. Needless to say, I am pretty mad. My husband is even angrier because he feels that Sara needs to take responsibility for her friend's actions especially when we are doing favors for her and them. He thinks that she is not held responsible nor does she feel enough guilt over the situation as she has just called to see if I could drive two of her other friends home this afternoon. He wants to know where their parents are and why can't they pick up their own kids? I know that he is right but I end up caving into whatever Sara wants me to do and I know that I do not hold her accountable, for her friend's actions or her very own even.

So I am kind of sad now...