"I thought [adultery] meant being stupid. Like being a dolt."
“If we lose, we should throw possums.”
''I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist.''
“So, Hairography. It works best when you pretend like you're getting tasered. It's like cool epilepsy. “
“Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?”
“People think I went on vacation, but actually I spent all summer lost in the sewers.”
“Mr. Schue taught me the second half of the alphabet. I stopped after M and N. I thought they sounded too similar and got frustrated.”
“Finn can fly?”
“I did a book report on heart attacks if you want to give it to the doctor. I got knocked down an entire letter grade because it was written in crayon.”
“Is God an evil dwarf?”
AND MY ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE BRITTANY QUOTE SO FAR:
“Just like I know that the cricket that reads to me at night is totally stealing my jewelery.”