Thursday, March 09, 2006

Just another day...

I am back at work today after having taken three days off of work sick. I still do not feel 100% but as Thursdays are my Fridays I thought it best that I put in an appearance. I am up to 70mg for my methadone which certainly does seem to be helping. I am trying to stay away from all other opiates as I really don’t need to supplement my dose anymore. I am doing pills really more out of habit than anything else and not a very good one at that!

I think what really made me ill was the speed that I ended up doing over the weekend. To be honest, I have yet to really regain feeling in both of my hands which is kind of frightening. Both of my arms although mostly my right also fall asleep at a moment’s notice. I also broke out in some horrific cold sores around my mouth which are almost healed but while I had them they were most painful. Oh well, maybe my lesson is learned now.

Thursday, March 02, 2006


I am at home right now and I actually have the place to myself which is quite unusual. I am very much enjoying the solitude. I also feel pretty good about everything right about now. Today turned out to be a decent day after all surprisingly enough. Go figure. I worked until 6pm and then I had to rush down to the klinic for my doctor’s appointment. Jim was supposed to pick me up to take me there because I had less than half an hour to get there before it closed but at the last minute his father showed up and dragged him away to work. Not to worry. I hustled my butt down there and made it in the nick of time. I knew that he would have been all done with his Dad by the time I was finished at the klinic, but the evening was just so beautiful that I decided not to call him to come pick me up. I had my snow gear with me - my snowboarding pants, ski jacket, proper boots, etc - so I thought that it would do me good to take the forty five minutes and walk home. It was such a lovely evening considering how crazy the weather had been today.

I had almost forgotten that it was still winter so when I got up this morning I was shocked to see how much it had snowed overnight. There was a good six inches on the ground and the plows had yet to get out to clear it all away so the walk to work at 7:30am was a little on the rough side. Twelve hours later, even though it had been snowing for most of the day, most of the roads and sidewalks had been cleared nicely so it was a little easier going on my return home. The air was perfectly still and there was a slight sliver of the moon up in the sky that it just seermed so peaceful and I didn’t want this peace interrupted by the roar of the truck’s engine so…

By the time I got home, I felt very calm and at peace with myself. I almost had a natural high going good for me, something I had long since forgotten about. It felt good and it made me feel young again. I was actually smiling when I came through the door. Now almost four hours later, I have managed to hold onto this great mood. Hope that this is a sign of things to come. I know that I still have a long way to go and I don’t want to disappoint myself with unrealistic expectations, baby steps and all, but I have a gut feeling that this may be a preview of what is to come. Sweet.