Thursday, December 10, 2015


I know that I haven't written in a long time but something that I read tonight has prompted me to do a brief update. I really do not understand why methadone is not a solution. I was a hardcore heroin and opiate user for more years than I even want to remember. I spent almost $3000 a month on my habit and there was a point in time where I never believed that I would be able to stop.  

And yet, here I am, almost a decade later. I do not use opiates. Yes, I think about them almost daily but I now know that I won't relapse.   Methadone truly saved my life. Yes, I am still taking it but I get my carries so I only have to see my doctor weekly. I wish that I didn't but that is the price an addict must pay sometimes I guess. Yes, it is certainly better than using. Maybe, it is not a perfect solution but it is definitely a solution. It certainly is preferable than the other. 

Now, I work full time and am a  positive, contributing member of society. I am no longer a burden to anyone or anything and for this, I will be eternally grateful

Friday, September 25, 2015

WTF? Back Surgery

OK so I haven't updated in an eternity because for the most part my life has been pretty uneventful. Until about a month or so ago. Jim and I went to a Melvins concert about three months ago. This is a band we probably haven't seen in about 16 years or so. We thought that it would be a boatload of fun so we bought tickets. We had a great time. We danced and drank and acted like we were so much younger than we were!

The next day, my back hurt so much. I actually was having a hard time walking. A week later, I was still feeling like crap. Another week later, I felt worse. Suddenly one morning I woke up and I literally I could not walk on my right leg. I was in so much pain. Jim took me to the hospital at 7am. I didn't have to wait very long before a resident looked at me. She said that it was probably sciatica and that a couple of weeks of naproxin and some massage therapy would clear everything up. Shock of shock, it did not clear anything up. Well, not right away. I spent most of the summer swimming, riding my bike and doing a lot of walking. I started massage therapy and went weekly hoping to alleviate everything and for the most part, it worked.

Until, the middle of August. We had to go to Toronto for Jim's sister's birthday. I ended up being stuck in the backseat of a car for four hours and ten minutes. By the time we go to Toronto, I could barely stand on my leg. I fell out of the car and I was in so much pain. I had to crawl to their front door and into their house. It was awful. The day deteriorated from there. My brilliant idea was to get intoxicated! In hindsight, this was the worst possible plan! We were all supposed to meet my sister-in-law and in-laws at a restaurant on the other side of Toronto. 

Jim and I left after everyone else. I didn't realize just how bad my leg was until we had walked about a block. As we were crossing the street, I lost my balance and Jim attempted to help me. Believe it or not, people actually thought that he was abusing me and called the police! What a bloody scene. Five Toronto police officers showed up to question us about Jim;s alleged spousal abuse in public. WTF???

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Finally Back

I haven't written anything in ages and at this point, I certainly don't expect anyone at all to ever read this, but something that I read in today's Toronto Star has compelled me to finally write. "A suicide note from out of the blue" by Cynthia McCabe is a most compelling piece of journalism. That's all I need to say on that subject as the article speaks for itself.

On another much more mundane matter is my desire to offer in update of my life. One may be asking why it's taken so long to offer one. I wish that there was a much more exotic reason than the truth but there just isn't! Many may have wondered whether my absence was due to a relapse but no such thing. Ironically, the reason for my silence is quite the opposite and has more to due with how successful I've been with my recovery.

I am still clean and sober after all this time and honestly the reason I haven't bothered reporting anything is that there is nothing much at all to report. Maybe boredom, tedium, repetition, numbness, sameness. After awhile that is pretty much what recovery turns into but without this, it would be a slippery slope back down again!

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

sickgirl's 2013 RESOLUTIONS

Update this blog on a more regular basis.

Finally finish redecorating my living room and start my bedroom redecoration. Bought all new living room furniture including a new 47' flat screen TV last year but didn't do much more than dump it all into the living room with little thought to arrangement or presentation. My bedroom is in dire straits and long overdue for an update.

Start sewing a lot more so that I can rework and update my wardrobe with some trendier and edgier outfits.

Revamp my current hairstyle with a brand new contemporary cut and colour.

Seriously change my eating habits so that I am eating healthier as well as start some sort, any sort, of exercise program. Really want to lose the extra weight that I gained while on methadone and now that I am finished treatment I have no more excuses!

Finish my PTSD therapy and finally move on and put our 2008 attack and Jim's stabbing behind me.

Now that I have finally returned to work - more on this later - increase my work hours from part time to full time.

Socialize more with both my family and friends. No more of this near hibernation - this is part of the moving forward since the attack.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

She's Gone

I know that it has been a near eternity since my last update and, other than sheer laziness, I really have no excuse for this long absence. That's not to say that I haven't tried keeping up with the blogs that I follow cause I've certainly been doing my best! I've also discovered quite a few new ones so most of my computer time seems to get spent reading rather than writing. Starting now though this is going to change. Maybe this will be my first New Year's resolution as well. Am pretty sure that this resolution should be fairly easy to keep unlike some of my previous year's ones that never really had a hope in hell of succeeding cause they were just too bloody unrealistic! No doubt there will be one or two unrealistic ones that somehow manage to sneak by for this year but I'll deal with them when the time comes. Otherwise I have every intention of doing my darnest to try to keep a reasonable perspective when it comes to all of my 2013 resolutions. More to follow in the days to come...promise!!!

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Depeche Mode

One of my all time favourite bands is Depeche Mode, a band that I've been crazy about since high school - trust me when I say its been a lifetime or three! Fell instantly head over heels the moment I heard "Just Can't Get Enough" on the radio when I was 17, and for those keeping score, this would be all the way back to 1981. I've been equally passionate about a few other bands - the Clash, Social Distortion and Manic Street Preachers are all bands that I couldn't dream of living without - but all the others are no longer still together though they do still exist to some extent in other reincarnated forms. Depeche Mode is different. After the departure of one of the original four - Vince Clarke - upon completion of their first album, their lineup has remained intact with the other three founding members  remaining - Dave Gahan, Martin Lee Gore  and Andrew Fletcher.

Each new album release never failed to disappoint. Something quite rare in the music industry was a band that actually continued to get better and better with age. Their newer music is just as powerful and memorable as some of their decades old hit singles which is really quite rare not to mention an accomplishment considering the band has now been around for over three decades! Personally for any important event of my life these past thirty plus years, there is an associated Depeche Mode song!

I was just reading on Billboard that the band's last effort, 2009's "Sounds of the Universe" peaked at No. 3 on the Billboard 200 which is none too shabby. Their new album, which will be Depeche Mode's 13th studio album, is due to be released in March of next year. Plus, they have just announced tour dates to promote their new album.

European Tour Dates 2013:

05-07 Tel Aviv, Israel - Hayarkon Park
05-10 Athens, Greece - Terra Vibe
05-12 Sofia, Bulgaria - Georgi Asparuhov Stadium
05-15 Bucharest, Romania - National Stadium
05-17 Istanbul, Turkey - Kucukciftlik Park
05-19 Belgrade, Serbia - Usce Park
05-21 Budapest, Hungary - Puskas Ferenc Stadium
05-23 Zagreb, Republic of Croatia - Hippodrome
05-25 Bratislava, Slovakia - Inter Stadium
05-28 London, England - O2 Arena
06-01 Munich, Germany - Olympic Stadium
06-03 Stuttgart, Germany - Mercedes-Benz Arena
06-05 Frankfurt, Germany - Commerzbank Arena
06-07 Berne, Switzerland - Stade De Suisse
06-09 Berlin, Germany - Olympic Stadium
06-11 Leipzig, Germany - Red Bull Arena
06-13 Copenhagen, Denmark - Parken
06-15 Paris, France - Stade De France
06-17 Hamburg, Germany - Imtech Arena
06-22 Moscow, Russia - Locomotive Stadium
06-24 St. Petersburg, Russia - SKK Arena
06-27 Borlange, Sweden - Peace & Love Festival
06-29 Kiev, Ukraine - Olympic Stadium
07-03 Dusseldorf, Germany - Esprit Arena
07-07 Werchter, Belgium - Rock Werchter Festival
07-11 Bilbao, Spain - BBK Festival
07-13 Lisbon, Portugal - Optimus Alive Festival
07-16 Nimes, France - Antic Arina
07-18 Milan, Italy - San Siro Stadium
07-20 Rome, Italy - Olympic Stadium
07-23 Prague, Czech Republic - Olympic Stadium
07-25 Warsaw, Poland - National Stadium
07-27 Vilnius, Lithuania - Vingis Park
07-29 Minsk, Belarus - Minsk Arena

So far no North American dates but I'm sure that they will soon follow. Definitely going to see them come hell or high water. Saw them on their last tour and they were unbelievable!