Friday, June 03, 2005

Dope Sick, Again

I am at work right now doing the countdown. Just have an hour and a half to go so that isn't too too bad. I have been feeling really grievey at work today for some reason. Haven't had any dilaudid as per my usual. Instead I have done two Oxy 80s and a decent size hit of speed. I don't think that the oxys last as long as the dilaudids seem to. If I had taken a d just before work, I would not be feeling this crappy this early. I just called my dealer and said that she could have my vehicle for the night if she could hook me up with any kind of opiate for this evening. I am flat broke right now so I can't go to my other dealers now cause I owe her a freaking huge tab. Christ I hate the fact that we are between pays right now. I know that most of my mood is self-inflicted as the more I think about it the more I want to use and then the more agitated that I become because of it. Thought about calling my dealer to see if she happened to find anything yet. I will be just gutted if when she comes to pick me up at 9pm, she has nothing with her. Well, she ain't going to get my vehicle if she has no dope for me either. Not only do I need for her to get me dope, I also need for her to pick up the tab for it this time also. Whatever.

I freakin hate being dope sick. Some days are way worse than others. I hate being broke more but even being brokeit doesn't stop me from copping dope with my last five dollars. OK fine, I will go back to work.

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