Ah Bliss

Oh yeah...my dealer just dropped off a 80mg oxy to me. Oh total bliss. I crushed up part of it and as fast as I could, got it into me. Didn't want to draw much attention to myself by being away from my desk for too long so I didn't prep it quite as well as I usually do and at first I had a hard time getting it into my vein. Had to abort the first attempt and try the other arm so I know that I didn't get as good a hit as I could have gotten. Man, I hate being rushed but what else was I to do? I normally like to have my day's supply already prepped so that a trip to the bathroom does not turn into an unusually long visit but this week the combination of lack of funds and lack of drugs has really put a damper in my normal modus operandis. Everything just sucks big right now. I hope my dealer has another pill on her cause I sure would like to take one home to my boyfriend. Wish there was a way that I could get some more speed but fat chance of that happening. Think that I would just be pushing my luck at that point so guess that I will be grateful for the little that I did manage to get my hands on!!!! Only 17 minutes to go before work ends. Yeah. Oh, I am also going to go down to the Methadone Clinic on Thursday while on my dinner break and start the process to get myself back on the program. Guess the wait is a lot less than it was when I first started six and a half years ago. Can't believe that I was five years clean when I started back down this stupid stupid path...

The Final Half Hour

Well it looks as if my dealer will come thru for me. Thank goodness as I have only been calling her since 3pm and it is now 7:30pm. Talked to her exactly a half an hour ago and she said that she just had to meet someone and then would come right over here. Don't really know what right over means but it better be before 8pm as I am really really sick right now. I want to hurl everything right about now and I can't leave my desk until she gets here. Hurry up. I need to do something ASAP. Please do not make me wait much longer...

What Else is New

Today has been the absolute shit I have to admit. I did manage to cop a dilaudid before work and a quarter worth of speed but neither one seems to have any affect on me today for some reason other than the fact that I am feeling kind of sorry for myself. My dealer has my car so I might try calling her to see if she will drop something off to me. Like that is going to happen.

Like nothing is going to happen of course. She said that she is out of everything so must be true - yeah, whatever. Like I am not an idiot. Pisses me off that she will take my car and when I want something delivered to me, she couldn't be arsed. This just bugs me so very much. I know that I don't have any money right now but she has my bloody vehicle so that should be good enough. She knows damn well that I am good for it too. I want to go home from work too but I know that if I do I will be in deep crap here cause I think that I have pretty much used up my welcome as far as going home early, etc. Well I guess that I only have 3 hours left but even that seems like an enternity right about now. I feel as if I am going to upchuck what little I have in my stomach right now. Whatever. Sucks to be me right now that is for sure.

Double Grrrr

OK Firefox is acting all weird and for some reason when I am in rich text mode it will not let me get to the entry field. Tried tabbing to it, tried clicking repeatedly with my mouse inside of it, tried refreshing, opening another window...but nothing. Oh well, not something that will end up changing my life so might as well move on. This city sucks big. There have been no dilaudids around in a long itme, well a week now, and the only thing that we have been able to get are 40mg oxys which is better than nothing but no where near the same as my Lady Dis. Whatever. I mean I can feel them and all but they don't have the same rush to them and they certainly don't seem to last the same length of time. This weekend my boyfriend and I have already gone thrugh thirteen of them and it is only Sunday morning before 8am. About the only good thing is that they are considerably cheaper, well, also I guess they are keeping any sickness at bay so...

They make me itch which I do not like and also, kind of make my stomach upset. The itching is driving e insane. I may take a shower in a few moments which should help some. My boyfriend says that they are crap but he has been on the nod all weekend so they obviously have an affect on him no matter what he says. I guess that I am bummed cause I don't feel anywhere near as good as he apparently is feeling so I am feeling sorry for myself. I mean what else are weeends for? On the other hand I have gotten quite a lot of stuff done so far. I made new curtains for the living room and covered one of those ottoman cubes with matching fabric. I also am almost finished making a new skirt for work. I still have a pile of laundry to put away but that is my least favourite chore so I am putting that off as long as possible.

OK I am terribly thirsty right now so I guess that I will get a glass of juice and maybe something to eat.

Too Many Chiefs

Something is up at work although I am not 100% sure of what is exactly going on. I had to switch computer stations today to sit at a spot that normally Lennon, the other fellow on this project, sits which is pretty much right open in the middle of the call centre. Hmmm.I think that it has to do with breaks and such but if they are trying to nail me for taking unnecessary breaks then they are looking at the wrong person. Lennon takes way more breaks than I ever could in a day that's for sure. I am going to keep track today actually of the amount of time that he spends away from his station cause it they are going to be petty, then I sure as hell can be petty also.

Dope Sick, Again

I am at work right now doing the countdown. Just have an hour and a half to go so that isn't too too bad. I have been feeling really grievey at work today for some reason. Haven't had any dilaudid as per my usual. Instead I have done two Oxy 80s and a decent size hit of speed. I don't think that the oxys last as long as the dilaudids seem to. If I had taken a d just before work, I would not be feeling this crappy this early. I just called my dealer and said that she could have my vehicle for the night if she could hook me up with any kind of opiate for this evening. I am flat broke right now so I can't go to my other dealers now cause I owe her a freaking huge tab. Christ I hate the fact that we are between pays right now. I know that most of my mood is self-inflicted as the more I think about it the more I want to use and then the more agitated that I become because of it. Thought about calling my dealer to see if she happened to find anything yet. I will be just gutted if when she comes to pick me up at 9pm, she has nothing with her. Well, she ain't going to get my vehicle if she has no dope for me either. Not only do I need for her to get me dope, I also need for her to pick up the tab for it this time also. Whatever.

I freakin hate being dope sick. Some days are way worse than others. I hate being broke more but even being brokeit doesn't stop me from copping dope with my last five dollars. OK fine, I will go back to work.