Friday, February 15, 2008


There obviously is nothing worse than the sins of your misspent past managing to catch up to your present, especially if your present no way resembles your past anymore. Just when you have conveniently forgotten previously committed sins they certainly have a way of ensuring that you don't become so cavalier as to forget them entirely. Nothing like a little reminder to keep us all humble that's for bloody sure!!!

The charge from the early summer of 2005 that still seems to be dogging me is for possession of seven oxycontin 40mg pills that I had on me without a proper prescription. Shock of shocks. Imagine an opiate addict being in possession of something that they shouldn't have. This particular moment certainly managed to be one of my lowest ones that's for sure. This isn't to say that I didn't get what was coming to me because I was most definitely guilty of said charge. Up until this point though, I had managed to remain under the radar of the local police force and was convinced that none of my actions were enough to draw their attention in my direction. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

In all honesty, I really don't know why this old charge is still kicking around. I honestly thought that this had all been dealt with back in May 2006 so I truly was surprised over the events of two weeks ago. At the time of my arrest, my lawyer had determined that we had a more than excellent case to get this charge dismissed because I had been subjected to an illegal search. Obviously I now have a different lawyer looking after me and he too, is of the same opinion as the one I had nearly three years ago.

The absolute irritating thing about all of this is that essentially I am starting right back at square one. This sucks but there is nothing that I can do to change this fact so I am not going to dwell on the past stuff cause nothing good would result from it. At least now, my lawyer can also show that I have successfully been in treatment for over two years for my past addiction as well as not getting into any additional trouble since this incident. I've moved away from my past associates as well as having severed all ties with them. I am working full time plus I have got strong support network from my family and current friends. All of this will do nothing but help my case.

My next court appearance is next Friday and even with everything positive on my side, I can't help but feel sick and nervous about the whole thing. Obviously this is what the authorities want to create so that we are scared enough not to continue to repeat past mistakes. Well, it's working like a charm for me which just goes to show you how much I have actually changed over the past near three years. I was so deep in the throes of my addiction back then that this was no more than a bloody inconvenience, an irritant that would end up keeping me away from my one and only desire, to feed my ever increasing drug appetite.

I've also now been in treatment long enough and am stable enough that this incident will also not derail me from my current goal which is obviously a great thing. As easy as it would have been to run to the closest dealer on my release two weeks ago, I didn't. It wasn't even close to being my first reaction. I didn't need to numb any pain or more accurately didn't need any old excuse to relapse.

No comments: