Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Methadone Pretty

This week is one that I wish I could escape. Knowing in advance that I don’t have enough money to feed this monkey on my back is beyond depressing. The earliest I can see us getting any money is Thursday, maybe Wednesday night if very lucky. I did my last hit a few minutes ago and am fully expecting not to be able to do another until Thursday morning which seems an eternity away right now. This will also be the longest I have gone without in over a year. I also am not in a position to call in sick so I will also have to drag my sorry ass into work each day. The horrors.My nerves are already shot just with this anticipation. Self fulfilling prophecy perhaps. Emotionally this can take its toll. Anything warm and fuzzy about my usage disappears instantly when I find myself in similar situations. Oh the love-hate, ying-yang that is heroin addiction. I am already depressed because of what happened on Friday so this is not what I need right now. But what to do? I wish someone could send me something but that too is not about to happen either. Boo hoo…Going to have a shower now while I still feel like it because I know in the morning I will be feeling far too sorry for myself that I will end up not taking one.

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