Monday, August 08, 2005


Am about to jump in the shower - my first in over a week, ever since my “incident”. Haven’t felt like looking after myself. My own self-imposed sentence? Don’t know. Don’t care. Don’t really feel like analysing. Not going to change anything anyway. Really kind of hating myself right now I guess. Feel dirty so what’s the point of showering. Not going to be able to rid myself of how I feel. Wish I would or could. Just fooling myself. Don’t know if this is the bottom. If not then pretty darn close. Only one direction to go from here I suppose. Ball is now in my court. Better not fumble it. Too much at stake right now. Wish I could just spit this awful taste right out of my mouth. Be done with with it. Nothing is ever that easy. If only.

Time to shake off these cobwebs and pay the piper or something like that. Take a deep breath. You are your own worse enemy and if that cross gets too heavy to bare. Well don’t waste any time, looking at someone else to take the blame. Time to suck it up and accept your dues - will make everything go faster in the end. Your problem. Your ownership. Your responsibility. Only you wil be able to fix it so stop wasting any more any more of that precious time. Just deal.

And in the immortal words of Scarlett O’Hara “Tomorrow is another day.”

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