Tuesday, April 15, 2008



Well, I guess it is about time that I told you a bit about myself and my current evils. My weakness is and always has been anything that is part of the opiod family. Up until that first hit, I had been somewhat indifferent towards drugs but the moment that first dilaudid entered my system, I knew that it was pretty much all over for me. I had found my Achilles heal although at that time, I had no idea what a rollercoaster ride I was about to begin.

I actually never even tried drugs until I was almost twenty-one. Through high school, I was more of a drinker. My brother who is a couple of years younger than I am began experimenting at the ripe age of 12 and I watched in absolute terror what he was doing and did to his young body. I also did not want to add to the anguish that my parents endured as my brother navigated thru his teen years. I just couldn''t added to that so I kind of made a casual commitment to myself that I could wait to try plus in all honesty, it didn''t look like a whole lot of fun watching my brother puke, stagger, dripple down his clothes, pass out, you name it. I can''t remember how many times my boyfriend or myself or both rescued my brother from mess after mess after mess. Believe me nothing about his behaviour was remotely attractive and as a result I never felt as if I missed out on anything. Now in hindsight I am kind of glad that I never used anything as a teenager because my brain cells were pretty much left untouched during their crucial growth period.

For my first year of university there were no situations that I found myself in to have a chance to try anything other than liquer. Again never felt as if I was missing anything. Finally in my second year, I decided that I wasn''t going to lifeguard. Instead, I wanted to give waitressing a try because I felt I had a greater chance of making much more money while working less hours. I found a place to hire me as a cocktail server and this place just happened to be the place to go every Thursday, Friday and Saturday way back then. I made money hand over fist and I started meeting some very interesting and experienced people - both fellow staff members and customers. Lord when I think back to my second year, I was so utterly out of my depth and so very green. I started going to the parties after the bars closed and finally I was standing around with a group when someone passed a joint around. I carefully watched everyone and when it was my turn, I believe that I carried it off like a pro. Once people had seen me take some form, any form, they became much more open and inviting with me.

The next party I find myself being invited into one of the three bedrooms with a couple of other people. When I get in there, there are about a dozen lines of this white powder lined up in a row and a guy sitting behind the table. He says help yourself to us with the qualification that it will cost us $10 a line. I had never seen cocaine until that moment and to be honest, I didn''t really have any idea what it actually was and what it would do...Drum roll...Of course, I ponied up my money and waited my turn. Again I paid close attention to what the others before me did and when it was my turn, I flipped my hair over my shoulder so that it fell down my back out of the way of this precious powder. Inhale and away I went. It was the coolest. Oh my goodness, I felt amazing. I was amazing. I was no longer little shy me from no name town population 1500. I had arrived and what an arrival it was!!!

My second year at university was coming to an end and I was getting ready to spend the summer in the British Isles with my best friend. About a month before we were to leave, I got involved with one of the bouncers at work. He was a very bad boy and I found him so utterly exciting. He just oozed danger and I was ripe for the picking...


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