Wednesday, February 23, 2005


Am really bumming lately. My use has gotten out of hand more or less I guess and I don't ever feel satisfied - rarely anyway. I am spending about $200 a day on dilaudid and speed but it just never seems enough. I can not shake this apathetic coma that I seem to be existing within. Just getting up in the morning is a chore and it is not because I am dope sick either although that may have something to do with it for sure. I just don't care anymore. Don't care about what I eat, wear, watch, read, write, do, injest. Don't care about anything and I have never in my entire life felt quite this numb. I assume that I am at a crossroads or that there is some sign that I am missing, a message of sorts, a message that I am ignoring or too obtuse to recognize. Doesn't help that I have had the worse falling out with my dealer - someone that I really and truly considered a very close feelings were really hurt and I am still sad about this.

Bored now...

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