18th Nervous Breakdown

To say that I had a bad day yesterday is an understatement. Bad in the sense that I was not too proud of my behaviour. I ended up being pretty darn rude to someone who is really no more than an acquaintance but still there is no excuse for my behaviour. We had money yesterday for dope but no connection so things were getting a little panicky by the time I needed to go to work. Called my last resort and she said that she had a couple of pills on her but that she needed a ride to get some errands done. Now Jim isn't crazy about being left with her and I don''t blame him but sometimes you know, you got to do what you got to do.

So we pick her up and we buy two pills off of her. She said that she would give us a couple more for driving around plus some money for gas. She had one more on her so I asked if I could grab that now cause I had to go to work but she came up with some lame excuse but said that she would drop something off to me in a bit. Now it is almost six and I have called a number of times and they are still not back at work so I am getting a little annoyed as well as anxious to say the least. When I was talking to Jim once he said that they had already done another hit so for some reason I pretty much freaked out cause I felt left out and forgotten at work. I literally started spinning on him and said that I wanted him to come get me right now. He hung up on me about three times but he did come to work to get me.

When they pulled up in the truck I basically said for her to get out, that I didn't want to see her anymore. She started screaming at me that she wanted the pill back that she gave Jim and I said go ahead. This whole scene was also basically right in front of my work too. I threw the pill back at her and it wasn't even a whole pill, barely half. She said that she was going to punch me and I am like go ahead which is absolutely ridiculous coming from me as I have never been in a fight in my life nor could I really ever imagine being in one. I screamed at her that she still owed me $20 so she threw this half pill back saying that this was payment. Not bloody likely. Funny thing is that we have all of her stuff in the back of our truck cause she just got evicted from her apartment and she was calling at 7am this morning looking for it. Like good luck her getting it anytime soon from me. Again though I was pretty mortified with my behaviour.

In the meantime while we were screaming, Jim decides he wants no part of this scene so he takes off. I had already put my work bag and purse in the car so now I am stranded downtown without anything. I skulk back into work to use the phone and ask him to turn around and come back. At first he is like walk but then he comes back saying that I better be waiting out in front when he gets there. I was waiting out in front but on the other side of the street cause I was still feeling kind of embarrassed and all so when he gets there he doesn't see me right away so he starts freaking out at me. The rest of the ride home is in silence. I go into the living room to watch a movie and he goes into the bedroom to do the same.

As the half pill really didn't do much for me, I resign myself to an awful night and next day as I don''t get paid until 5pm today. I lay down on the couch and decide I should try to sleep. Just before eleven, Jim comes out of the bedroom to say that *** is on the phone and he wanted to know why he hadn't heard from us today. I said that I didn't get paid until Friday but he said that was cool to come see him. Yes, my night is saved. I expected him to toss me two pills to get through the night but he gives me eight! Bless his little heart. My savior. So just when I thought my day was an absolute right off, it is saved in overtime!

I saved one until today so I am not feeling too too bad now that I am at work. Jim is going to come downtown to meet me at five so that he can cash my cheque and pick up as I am at work until 8pm today and he has the day off cause he is going to Mexico tomorrow - more on this later - and he is supposed to be home packing. OK now I must at least pretend to work.

UPDATE: I just got called into my manager''s office concerning my mini-meltdown at work last night. He was really cool about it. I guess the shift supervisor put in his summary something like I was upset and nothing else. I explained that it was a family emergency and that was good with him. He said that if that ever happens again to simply email him about the situation and he would be fine with it. Sweet. I am lucky enough here at work with what I sometimes get away with that is for sure.