MMT

I know that I haven't written in a long time but something that I read tonight has prompted me to do a brief update. I really do not understand why methadone is not a solution. I was a hardcore heroin and opiate user for more years than I even want to remember. I spent almost $3000 a month on my habit and there was a point in time where I never believed that I would be able to stop.  

And yet, here I am, almost a decade later. I do not use opiates. Yes, I think about them almost daily but I now know that I won't relapse.   Methadone truly saved my life. Yes, I am still taking it but I get my carries so I only have to see my doctor weekly. I wish that I didn't but that is the price an addict must pay sometimes I guess. Yes, it is certainly better than using. Maybe, it is not a perfect solution but it is definitely a solution. It certainly is preferable than the other. 

Now, I work full time and am a  positive, contributing member of society. I am no longer a burden to anyone or anything and for this, I will be eternally grateful

WTF? Back Surgery

OK so I haven't updated in an eternity because for the most part my life has been pretty uneventful. Until about a month or so ago. Jim and I went to a Melvins concert about three months ago. This is a band we probably haven't seen in about 16 years or so. We thought that it would be a boatload of fun so we bought tickets. We had a great time. We danced and drank and acted like we were so much younger than we were!

The next day, my back hurt so much. I actually was having a hard time walking. A week later, I was still feeling like crap. Another week later, I felt worse. Suddenly one morning I woke up and I literally I could not walk on my right leg. I was in so much pain. Jim took me to the hospital at 7am. I didn't have to wait very long before a resident looked at me. She said that it was probably sciatica and that a couple of weeks of naproxin and some massage therapy would clear everything up. Shock of shock, it did not clear anything up. Well, not right away. I spent most of the summer swimming, riding my bike and doing a lot of walking. I started massage therapy and went weekly hoping to alleviate everything and for the most part, it worked.

Until, the middle of August. We had to go to Toronto for Jim's sister's birthday. I ended up being stuck in the backseat of a car for four hours and ten minutes. By the time we go to Toronto, I could barely stand on my leg. I fell out of the car and I was in so much pain. I had to crawl to their front door and into their house. It was awful. The day deteriorated from there. My brilliant idea was to get intoxicated! In hindsight, this was the worst possible plan! We were all supposed to meet my sister-in-law and in-laws at a restaurant on the other side of Toronto. 

Jim and I left after everyone else. I didn't realize just how bad my leg was until we had walked about a block. As we were crossing the street, I lost my balance and Jim attempted to help me. Believe it or not, people actually thought that he was abusing me and called the police! What a bloody scene. Five Toronto police officers showed up to question us about Jim;s alleged spousal abuse in public. WTF???

Finally Back

I haven't written anything in ages and at this point, I certainly don't expect anyone at all to ever read this, but something that I read in today's Toronto Star has compelled me to finally write. "A suicide note from out of the blue" by Cynthia McCabe is a most compelling piece of journalism. That's all I need to say on that subject as the article speaks for itself.

On another much more mundane matter is my desire to offer in update of my life. One may be asking why it's taken so long to offer one. I wish that there was a much more exotic reason than the truth but there just isn't! Many may have wondered whether my absence was due to a relapse but no such thing. Ironically, the reason for my silence is quite the opposite and has more to due with how successful I've been with my recovery.

I am still clean and sober after all this time and honestly the reason I haven't bothered reporting anything is that there is nothing much at all to report. Maybe boredom, tedium, repetition, numbness, sameness. After awhile that is pretty much what recovery turns into but without this, it would be a slippery slope back down again!