Wednesday, December 24, 2008

It Wasn't A Pretty Picture

Well it's pretty safe to say that the weatherman managed to get it right this weekend! After a bit of a break yesterday, Friday's snow squalls have returned to southwestern Ontario with a vengeance! With all of this snow, and the chaos that seems to come with it, such as early store closings, late running or near vanishing public transportation, pant legs that are constantly soaking wet and gross and a whole boatload of other nifty stuff, I am, at this very moment, thrilled that all of my shopping is completed, and unless I really, really want to, don't have to venture out until the spring thaw! While the rest of the world seems to be running backwards and in circles with little to show for their effort, I'm literally sitting pretty with nary a care in the world!!! Oh this would be amazingly sweet, if this were, indeed true of my entire life. At least, in regards to the upcoming holiday, I am, indeed, in a truly zen place.

Yes, I am still marveling over the fact that all of the Christmas presents have been bought, wrapped and put nicely under the tree. Apart from the obvious, this is no mean feat. Even before the chaos of being an opiate addict began disrupting our home and becoming all too familiar, I suffered from a very common trait that many other normal individuals also suffer, procrastination. In the prime of my youth, long before I even knew what opiates were, never mind having even ingested one of their beauties, I generally found myself in an all too familiar place two or three days before Christmas Eve. Until I could no longer put off the inevitable, I had to suck it up and get my shopping started and finished, all within a very brief window of time! As much as I loathed the ever growing hoard of frantic shoppers, I was simply incapable of doing much to change what inevitably happened year after year. Like clockwork, I waited until the last minute to get my shopping done.

I still seemed incapable of even changing this losing formula even after breaking my leg exactly a week before Christmas Day when I was 23 and hadn't even thought about what gifts I would be buying. Imagine my shame and embarrassment when I finally got discharged on the 24th sometime after 3pm just as the stores were closing up. I had bought nothing at all before my accident and while in the hospital all doped up on morphine for six days, I wasn't capable of doing much to change my situation. I vowed that never, ever again would I ever find myself in this position. I would strive to be more like my Mom, who thinks nothing of grabbing presents for the next Christmas holiday on Boxing Day. This plan just never seemed to work out that well.

So, even before I became an opiate addict, I had definite completion issues with regards to shopping and Christmas. Through in an addiction into the mix, and yikes, you've got a great recipe for disaster. About my only salvation other years was that both Jim and I were gainfully employed so I was somehow able to stretch our funds to include the requisite Christmas gifts and to feed that monkey on our backs. But even still, Christmas always seemed so chaotic, so unsatisfying. I guess I felt like I was cheating somehow, that my heart really wasn't wholeheartedly in it. Now, there is nothing to distract me from the task at hand and what is right in front of me. Whatever I do regarding this holiday, I know that I am giving 100%, my undivided attention and I have to admit that there is something so overwhelmingly satisfying in all of this! I never, ever want to change this again.

Even though I don't have to, I am going to head over to Loblaws in an hours time as they are open until 6pm today. With my extra money, I am going to buy some more Christmas decorations, lights, wrap and a few more stocking suffers for the girls. I want to make sure that this is a memorable Christmas for both of them as they will both be turning nineteen in March and April, respectively, and I kind of suspect that this may very well be the last Christmas that I have both of them living under our roof. I know that they are itching to stretch their wings and a lot can happen in a years time so I figure, I better grab on while I can.

Peace, love and happiness to each and everyone of you out there.


Dying4Something2Live4 said...

Merry Christmas!!


Gledwood said...

when i saw that name i wondered whether that was you ..! remember me??

anyway just wanted to say i hope you did have a merry one & get it all done... i ended up stuck at the local highstreet/mall on xmas eve with rabid consumption all around me ... it was depressing. but then i've never been into xmas

hey have a great 2009


SICKGIRL said...

Yes, it's me. Of course I remember you. I've even got your blog linked underneath my partners section of links!

peace, love and happiness...