Showing posts with label CREATIVE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label CREATIVE. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Sweet Sara









One of my daughter's friends is a bit of a budding photographer and she often will use Sara as her subject. These are some of the most recent photos that were taken. Isn't she lovely? Of course, I am one very proud Mom!

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

The Pen Is Mightier...

I have been keeping a journal of some sort on and off since I was about 10 or 11, so about 34 or 35 years now. I kept one religiously all thru high school and university because it seemed like so much was happening with things changing so quickly, I was afraid that I would forget stuff and at that time in my life, I wanted to remember everything, good or bad. As I settled down into married life in my twenties and then motherhood in my thirties, keeping a journal was but a faint and distant memory. It was the farthest thing from my mind. At that time, there seemed to be no time left to undertake this sometimes time consuming task, plus, for better or worse, my life had seemed to have settled into something of a routine. Excitement and change seemed to be memories of the past. Not that this was necessarily a bad thing, just different.




Seven years ago this past June, my father was diagnosed with cancer and he passed away the following March. For the first time in over a decade, I picked up pen and put it back to paper. Towards the end of his life, I found myself in a long since forgotten place, but suddenly it became extremely important that I remembered everything that was happening around me these last seven or eight months of his life. Now more than any other time, I did not want to lose so much as a single memory from what was happening. I was so very afraid that I might forget something about his last days. For all of us, it was definitely a time of change.


I carried my journal with me everywhere. I filled up dozens of blank ones over this period of time, and every time I started to feel restless, I would write, and write, and write. Many days, I had a lot of time to do this. For twenty plus weeks, I spent each and every week day waiting in various rooms at the hospital for my father to complete whatever appointment he had that day. Every day he had his radiation treatment, plus there were a multitude of other types of appointments related to his cancer. To top everything else off, he was also getting chemo at the exact same time as his radiation, although the chemo finished about a month after the radiation. For just over five months, I drove him to the hospital five days a week for his treatments. Most days we would be at the hospital the entire day, but there were others where we were lucky enough to get out of there within the hour.


Regardless of the length of each visit, there was plenty of time for me to reflect and write. It was also a time for me to really get to know my dad all over again, as well as he had a chance to reacquaint himself with me. Bittersweet is an apt description I should imagine. After he passed, I continued to write as an outlet for my emotions. To this day, I carry a journal with me everywhere I go, and any time I feel the need, I write something in it. An entry can be one word to endless pages. I have found that whenever I am restless, upset, bored, impatient, irritated, you name it, the moment that I start writing I am immediately calmed. My recent journals follow no set form. They range from neat and tidy to tremendously disorganized and messy. I paste pictures in them sometimes. I doodle in them. I make sure that each one is different from the next. I haunt stores looking for unique and different books to use as journals. I have become quite creative in my quest to make each somewhat unique in its own way.


Now, I also keep an on line journal, although it is nowhere near as current or updated as my written - I am hindered somewhat by my complete inability to type as well and as fast as I would like. It was about five years ago that I was told about livejournal.com . This became my first foray into on line journaling. It seemed to take me an exceptionally long time to feel comfortable expressing myself publicly, although once I more or less got the hang of it, it became easier and easier. For the most part, I have liked using livejournal, and in fact, initially, I ended up having a number of separate accounts there. In the beginning, I mostly used them to display and store my art work. But these earlier attempts were dishonest at best, half truths at the most. They in no way reflected my actual life, although they did allow brief glimpses of it from time to time.




As I became more familiar and comfortable with this method of journaling, it became increasingly important that they start to actually reflect what was really going on in my life at that time. Initially though this caused me momentary paralysis as I certainly had no desire to lay bare those portions of my life I had spent years pretty much hiding from the general populous. My "alternate" life needed to continue being exactly that - one face for the majority and another for the precious few that were familiar with my drug use/abuse. That face was not yet ready for public consumption.


With the identity that I had been using, I found that this was going to be impossible to be completely frank and open about my lifestyle. Finally one day, I created an alternate online identity to reflect my alternate life. This is the one that I continue to use today. Over the past four and a half years there has been a blurring of my real and of my alternate world. This has become possible because my comfort level continually increases allowing me the luxury of honesty. For the most part, my mask is still there. I try to keep my name and my families and those that are important to me as anonymous as possible in an effort to ensure that their privacy is respected, as there is no certainty that they may feel as relaxed as I.


The majority of my drug use/abuse years are currently not available to read anymore online as the site that I had been using for this particular period of my life, literally disappeared overnight about two years ago. I used to be part of a group of addicts and recovering addicts that all had their personal journals at JUNKLIFE. At any given time, there were about twenty to twenty five of us sharing our stories with each other and anyone else who was interested. Sadly, it is now gone. After a number of frantic months attempting to contact the web master, I finally was able to get all of my writings from my time spent there. Until I received them, I was utterly gutted, as I had well over two hundred separate entries just from the two years I had been writing there. More importantly, I needed these writings available to me as an aid in my current recovery. I had only just started MMT when my site disappeared, so the lion's share of what was happening to me during this period reflected my very active addiction, as well as documenting how I allowed it to get so out of control. With each passing month, you could see where I was inevitably heading - the proverbial, or cliched, rock bottom.


Now, while I have all of these entries stored on my computer's hard drive, I have utterly no clue how to get them uploaded once again to the INTERNET. They were sent to me as one .sql file - whatever the heck this means cus I've so got no clue! Ideally, I'd like to add them to this site, or even if I had to, start a new site for my archived writings from my addiction period. I can go through this very large file and enter one entry at a time by copying and pasting it, and then back dating said entry with its original publishing date and time. I've manually entered a few, but it is just too time consuming, and honestly tres boring to have to do it this way. This site was actually started approx May 2007 when I first started having trouble accessing my previous site. Any writings from that point on are all original to this site, any before this time, were culled from my previous two sites, and are sadly not remotely enough to really paint the complete picture of my severe addiction years. If nothing else though, they are a start. Perhaps I'll suddenly feel energized enough to enter a few more of my old entries! LATER...

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

FINALLY, A NEW POST

Yet, once again, I am commenting on the fact that it seems to be an eternity since I last updated, and I guess it has. A number of things have kept me away from my computer these past few months, although nothing specifically. I did finally get my new computer all set up the way I like it. For me personally, it was quite the computer upgrade. I ended up buying a refurbished HP Compaq d330 Slim Tower Desktop PC at Factory Direct. It's an Intel Pentium 4 Processor with 800 MHz Front Side Bus, 512 KB L2 cache with HyperThread and came with 2GB memory, PCI card or external USB, 6 USB 2.0 ports (2 front, 4 rear), and 48X/24X/48X/16X Combo CD-RW/DVD-ROM Drive, plus Windows XP Pro installed as its OS. There's a bunch of other stuff which I can't readily recall, but its all been good. I've been more than happy with it so far, and is easily twice the computer I previously had been using. I got all of this goodness for $89 plus tax - no monitor, but we had extra monitors anyway so no big deal. I'm using a near brand new 19" Acer flat screen which we had picked up for a good price just after Christmas. We gave my old computer to the girls to use, and then gave their old computer to my brother's three kids, so that they would now have two computers between them - they are ten years old and younger with another on the way, due just before Christmas. Yikes!


We've both been swamped with various doctor's appointments as well. Both of us are still on MMT, and both of us are continuing to do exceptionally well in regards to our recovery. No slips still and I don't forsee any in the near future either! Jim just celebrated three years on MMT, while I've been on it since February 2006. Jim just started his treatment for Post Traumatic Stress Disorderrelating to the attack last year. He is currently scheduled for twenty four sessions initially. I started my own treatment for PTSD in February of this year and am about halfway through it - I think. Both of us attend different doctors for this. I go to one of our city's hospitals which has an entire department dedicated to PTSD and PTSD only. There, I deal with up to three different individuals - a psychiatrist, a psychologist and a social worker - depending on my scheduled visit. Jim will be going to a private psychiatrist, who also happens to be a pain management specialist as well. I guess, two birds, one stone...Much more on this whole subject of PTSD in an upcoming post, especially as I have a number of questions that I want to throw out there that hopefully some will be able to answer for me.


Also, I've been doing a lot of sewing, something I haven't done anywhere near enough of ever since we were attacked last year. I also undertook a few home decorating projects in our living and dining room which happily turned out perfectly. We have one fairly long wall in the living room - about nine feet - that had basically just sat there bare naked since we moved in over a year ago. This was bothering me to no end, but as I didn't have a boatload of money available, I had to think of something on the cheap, as well as creative side. We have a store in town called XSCargo, which is like a discount store of sorts. They sell all kinds of stuff at exceptionally low prices. I found a variety of different sized mirrors there ranging in price from $2.99 to $9.99 and in size from 11" x 11" to 20" x 24", so I ended up grabbing 12 mirrors in total. The mirrors that didn't already have a silver frame, I painted silver. I arranged them in a flattering pattern so that they fill up almost the entire length of that wall, and measure close to four feet in height. There was a small posrtion of wall left over near the entrance to our kitchen. I found this large metal butterfly in blue and dark brown - which are the basic colours of both my living and dining room - as well as a butterfly chain measuring about 40", also in a light blue. I hung both of them up in this empty space of the wall. Now I am thrilled with that previously bare wall. I also had this old wooden half table with three legs that I was able to resurrect quite nicely by painting it silver. I placed it basically in the centre of the wall and added a small silver lamp which had a cream coloured shade with blue and brown strings thoroughout.


I have also started some work on our dining room. I put a 60" x 36" dark wooden table with black metal legs lengthwise in the room, exchanging it with a 42" light wooden table that had been there previously, moving it into our kitchen. I had a number of canvases that I had attempted painting a year or so ago, but had failed miserably at. Rather than throw them out, I decided to cover them with some fabric. I found some beautiful taffata with patterns in complementary colours. I ended up covering all of the canvases I had because this project ended up working out exceptionally well - I even had one canvas measuring 30" x 40" which I hung directly above the table. I also bought new curtains for the dr window - sheer navy voile with some silver threads throughout them. I still have some more work yet to do in the dining room, although the living room is more or less completed now. I ended up slip covering one of our couches as I had found a 2 piece slip cover in a stretch navy check fabric that I really liked, plus it fits the couch like a glove so you can't even really tell that the couch is covered at all. We also got a dark brown area rug in chocolate brown berber to place between both of the couches. I also ended up hanging up some of the fabric covered canvases in the living room to fill out some of the wall's bare spots.


Well, I guess that this is all for now. Will be back shortly with a better update, I promise.

Friday, May 08, 2009

HOOKED!


While I was transferring some of my files from my old hard drive onto my new computer, I found a folder with a series of images that I thought some might find kind of entertaining. These images were the individual pages of a comic book that had been distributed throughout New York city during 1966. It's called HOOKED and its a story about one guy who finds himself unwittingly hooked on heroin. If anyone is interested in reading this 30 page story, click on the above image. Once at the link, you'll see the web page I've created and uploaded for this comic. There are individual full pages for each page of the comic so that it is nice and easy to read. Enjoy!!!


Saturday, January 24, 2009

GOSSIP GIRL BLAIR



I was a little on the bored side this afternoon, so I started playing around with my Paint Shop Pro X2’s text effects, as well as some of the artistic effects. Boy, I’ve really got to make sure that I load this program up a little more frequently, as I really have only touched the tip of the iceberg in regards to what it is actually capable of doing. As Xander, from Buffy, has said before, “I am so large in not knowing.” Or some such phrase!

As Gossip Girl is currently my new tv obsession, I thought that I would attempt creating my graphic with this new show in mind. This phase surely will not last very long, as, after what has seemed literally like an eternity, Battlestar Galactica, is now back on tv.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

introducing...CANADA'S NEXT TOP MODEL!











...well, not really, but I must confess that I do take a certain amount of perverse delight watching her reaction whenever I do start teasing her about sending in her photos to the show and entering her as a contestant! She, for some reason, doesn't seem to find this anywhere near as funny as her Mom, does!...OK doesn't every Mom in the whole wide world think that her child is simply magnificent?

Anyway, here are some recent pics of my daughter that I had fun playing around with today using PSP XI. Enjoy.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Don't Know What To Do...

Well, it looks as if I was wrong all along about getting my old writings back from my previous site. I did actually have them returned to me which has made me outrageously happy. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to bits to have them back all safe and sound. There is just one tiny, tiny problem. The type of file that was emailed to me is one that I am not remotely familiar with, so I have no idea now what to do with this file!

I somehow was able to view the file through one of the programs that I've got installed on my computer that I use as a substitute to Windows Explorer but after confirming that all of my writing was there, I've no idea how tro proceed. If anyone is able to help, please let me know. The type of file extension that I got is .sql

Thanks to anyone that is able to give me a hand.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Sew, Sew, Sew Your Boat


Just kind of messing around on the computer right now cause I am not feeling remotely motivated to do much of anything else. We had the weekend off so I am just trying to enjoy the last few remaining hours. We also took Friday off as they owed us a few days off - five in total so far - so seemed like as good a time as any to take an extra long weekend. The previous two weeks of work turned out to be pretty hectic so that extra day was very much needed!

Didn't end up doing much of anything this weekend as it turned out. We did a little bit of shopping on Saturday but nothing special. Bought a few things for the house. I went to Fabricland with my Mom on Friday so I bought some more fabric to do a little bit of sewing in the near future. I recently bought a brand new sewing machine as well as a serger - amazing what one can buy when you remove a life with no expensive addictions from the equation! Shocking n'est pas? I still find myself amazed when I've actually got a bit of money saved up in my bank account. I am still not quite used to this feeling yet and actually hope that I never do get used to it - should keep me honest so to speak. Anyway, I really wanted both machines and as I could well afford them both, I went ahead and treated myself.

I have yet to use the serger because it looks kind of on the complicated side and the manual is not quite clear enough for me but am in no rush. I just know that this was something that I've always wanted to get as I know that once I do end up mastering it, it will be a wonderful addition to my sewing arsenal. So on this note, I think that I shall go and check out my new sewing machine which can do 88 different stitches - about 70 more than my last one!

Sunday, March 23, 2008

YES



A wonderful live rendition on video of one of the most spell binding - and chilling - songs ever written, by one of the greatest bands that has ever been. Taken of the Manic Street Preachers while performing at Glastonbury in the summer of 1994 during their The Holy Bible Tour, this is the opening song from their third album entitled the same as this tour. The song was written by their original song writer, Richey Edwards, who mysteriously disappeared within a half a year of this album being released in Great Britain. To suggest that he had seemed to be fighting numerous personal demons prior to vanishing goes beyond mere understatement. This entire album certainly turned out to be pretty much a blueprint of the last year or so of his very tortured life. He has never been heard from or seen since, nor has his body ever been found, and just last month it was the thirteenth anniversary of his disappearance . Tragic really, as he was truly a brilliant writer. While the Manics ultimately ended up thriving in the face of such huge odds, it certainly is a testament to their own individual strengths as people as well as performers that they were able to go on to become such a fantastic band, although obviously one greatly changed from this event. Enjoy.


Yes

You can buy her, you can buy her
This one's here, this one's here, this one's here and this one's here
Ev'rything's for sale


For sale? dumb cunt's same dumb questions
Oh virgins? listen, all virgins are liars honey
And I don't know what I'm scared of or what I even enjoy
Dulling, get money, but nothing turns out like you want it to

And in these plagued streets of pity you can buy anything
For $200 anyone can conceive a God on video
He's a boy, you want a girl so tear off his cock
Tie his hair in bunches, fuck him, call him Rita if you want

I eat and I dress and I wash and I still can say thank you
Puking - shaking - sinking I still stand for old ladies
Can't shout, can't scream, hurt myself to get pain out

I 'T' them, 24:7, all year long
Purgatory's circle, drowning here, someone will always say yes
Funny place for the social, for the insects to start caring
Just an ambulance at the bottom of a cliff

In these plagued streets of pity you can by anything
For $200 anyone can conceive a God on video
He's a boy, you want a girl so tear off his cock
Tie his hair in bunches, fuck him, call him Rita if you want, if you want

I eat and I dress and I wash and I can still say thank you
Puking - shaking - sinking I still stand for old ladies
Can't shout, can't scream, I hurt myself to get pain out

Power produces desire, the weak have none
There's no lust in this coma even for a fifty
Solitude, solitude, the 11th commandment

The only certain thing that is left about me
There is no part of my body that has not been used
Pity or pain, to show displeasure's shame
Everyone I've loved or hated always seems to leave

And in these plagued streets of pity you can buy anything
For $200 anyone can conceive a God on video
He's a boy, you want a girl so tear off his cock
Tie his hair in bunches, fuck him, call him Rita if you want, if you want

Power produces desire, the weak have none
There's no lust in this coma even for a fifty
Solitude, solitude, the 11th commandment

Don't hurt, just obey, lie down, do as they say
May as well be heaven this hell, smells the same
These sunless afternoons I can't find myself

Two dollars for everything
Three dollars ...?...
Five dollars ...?...

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Garage Sale

One of the fringe benefits or perks of being a Building Manager is the amount of cast off furniture and stuff in general that you ultimately get control over to keep or discard as you see fit. You would be truly amazed at the amount of stuff that gets left behind upon a move. Sometimes it is utterly mind boggling. The majority of stuff is pure crap and the only fate awaiting it is the garbage heap. It was left behind in most cases because the tenant was too darn lazy to get rid of it himself.

But every once in awhile, you happen upon a real treasure, something that you simply can't pass up. I found a dining room set this week that fits this category to a T. Made of real teak, the tenant left behind four matching chairs plus the oval table, insert and all, because he has to give up his apartment to move in with his daughter. He, unfortunately, is unable to bring the majority of his furniture with him as she already has a fully furnished home. He has maintained his possessions exquisitely also.

Recently I've happened upon some iffy stuff - some side tables and bookcases that have most definitely seen better days - but with a little bit of paint and tidying up, have managed to transform them into items you'd be happy to have in your home! I am actually getting pretty good at sprucing stuff up. Most of this stuff I have rescued for the girl's room so I've been able to let my creative juices really flow by painting them really funky colors.